Twee reports. You decide.

COLTC member Benn Coifman (aka "zephyr1934") recently posted this Southern Pacific Pacific class steam engine. According to his own write up on that one site you hear about in stories, he "can't stop building steam engines" and he "wanted to build a better Pacific" than the Emerald Night. We here at twee affect don't buy his story and shall further investigate.

The first and most important thing to point out is that his locomotive is an oil fired locomotive, as opposed to more common coal fired locomotives. You can tell this by looking at the tender, which houses the PFS battery, motors, and IR receiver. Benn also used the otherwise useless and iconic Classic Space Crater Baseplate and forced perspective to imitate smoke belching from the locomotive. Next we shall point out that the small cow catcher was borrowed from AHOL Anthony Sava, who lives on the coast of Texas. Benn also borrowed ideas from AHOL Jay Hurst, who lives on the coast of Lake Erie. In back of the small cow catcher and above the cylinders is a prototypical cross bow, which crews used to shoot cows too big for the locomotive's small cow catcher.

All these small but important details not only contribute to making this a great model, but show us Benn's true motives for making this locomotive. You see, readers, Benn finished this locomotives six months ago. In fact, you can see in his folder containing a video that it was running at the State House Holiday Tree Lighting Ceremony, a long gone event indeed. While Benn claims to that he was "waiting for something special for the public debut", we here at Twee Affect know the real truth: Benn Coifman was collaborating with BP to create the Gulf Oil Crisis.

Let us go back to the aforementioned details, readers. First, the prototype is an oil fired locomotive and Benn's model contains PFS elements. While your writer missed today's COLTC meeting and an opportunity to see inside the tender, he can only assume that the tender also contains gears, a metaphor for the spinning gears of the corrupt, capitalist system that bind us all, the capitalist system of which BP is a part. He used the otherwise useless crater baseplate to symbolize the burning clouds of smoke coming from the burning pools of oil on the gulf's surface, pools of oil that burn just like in his locomotive.

Benn borrowed ideas from AHOL Jay Hurst because he lives on the coast of Lake Erie, an already very badly polluted body of water whose fate is similar to what the Gulf of Mexico's, the body of water close to which AHOL Anthony Sava, will be. This is a common literary device called "foreshadowing". Next to his borrowed ideas is the second most important detail of this locomotive that shows Benn and BP's motives: the crossbow. As stated earlier, the crossbow was used to shoot cows too big for the cow catcher. Soon the liberated oil will reach Florida where a different type of cow lives: the manatee, AKA the sea cow. Once the oil reaches the Everglades all the manatees will surely die. It can then surely be said that the crossbow symbolizes Benn and BP's desire to eradicate all manatees.

Why would they want this? What possibly could come from eradicating all manatees by spilling trillions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico? The answer yet again lies in the model: the gold crystal he used for the five chime whistle. This gold crystal symbolizes their true intentions: boat manufacturers who had hurt manatees in the past and were forced to pay reparations hired Benn and BP to kill all the manatees. Benn and BP are nothing but mercenaries who created the Gulf Oil Crisis to make money off the death of sea cows.


  1. this was worth the time it took to create

  2. All the pictures appear to be broken. :(