Presentation is everything. But it doesn't stop at the model, dear readers. The turnips, the needleteeth, the Wretched Harmonies; they may be skilled builders, but they'll never make it without an extreme makeover. How you look is just as important as how the model looks. When Ry "
Gossip Whore" Wood was auditioning for LEGO Master Model Buildership, the LEGO staff positioned him right in front of the cameras, trusting that his skill and bear cub looks would combine to make a winning newsreel. We all have our own lists of the
best builders, but what about the
hottest?
There aren't many Ladies of LEGO, so we'll get them out of the way first.
2.
Heather LEGOgirl (on the left, former Ambassador Zhang on the right) is best known for going to conventions and taking cam-pics with every guy she can. The men folk, surprised to see a woman in their midst, nervously oblige (ref: Nannan's flop sweat). On flickr, she has tons of testimonials with choice quotes such as "sweeter than sugar, and pretty as a picture," "one helluva woman," and "Heatherlicious!" Bonus, it
appears she can build.
1.
Lindsay Joy is a self-described "Jane Friday," so here are the facts: She once made a
Wall-E. She takes pictures of sets. LEGO once produced a Miniland figure of her; the second and third times
Lowell Spheres were used by LEGOLAND.
On to the main event, which is also more difficult to judge. The lady-folk are "cam happy" to put it charitably (4channers can replace "happy" to their liking), but it's hard to find the necessary glamour-shots for the men (Kyle Vrieze would most certainly be on the list, dear readers, if only a suitable photo could be found). Nonetheless, the
Top 10 Hottest Guys are...
photo by Joe Meno
10.
Fradel Gonzales makes the list primarily for rocking the wife-beater consistently. Most folks only break it out when
looking to emulate the Galactica crew, but Fradel is proud to show off his flabby arms, growing belly, and bling any chance he gets.
9.
Soren the Seattle LEGO Store Employee has been spotted at the last two Brickcons. With tight jeans and shaggy hair, any lady (or gent) would be glad to be his "coworker." Bonus: discounts!
photo by Joe Meno8.
Kjeld Kirk Kristiansen is seen here surveying his vast kingdom. The years have been kind to the heir of the LEGO dynasty; his hip designer glasses and even tan from the sunny Danish summers combine with his neat button-down to create casual elegance; comfortable corporate.
7.
Ley Ward is the oldest wizard in the books. He is a powerful beast, and is known to tell jokes about death that most of us just don't get. His wise authority dignifies everything and everyone he encounters. Alas, dear readers, he's spoken for, but do ask him to perform a "beard trick" when you meet him.
photo by Joe Meno6. Random Guy at Brickcon might not even be an Adult Hobbyist (A-HOL), but his hipster plaid, hipster specs, ghost hands, and long lustrous bangs make our hearts flutter like hummingbirds trapped in rib cages.
5.
Tim Deering, a guy so nice we photo'd him twice. Some may argue that Tim is barely a LEGO builder anymore, but those people should just shut the hell up. For years it was doubted that Tim was a real person. Perhaps he was an AI construct, like the
Pinlac. However, one soul has seen him in person, the equally mythical
Roy. If they both turn out to be purely digital, readers I assure you, that would would be quite a shame.
4.
Linus Bohman may have fallen off the radar lately, but one look at that face is sure to get your radar pointed in the right direction. Coming from beautiful
Malmö, Sweden, he's currently spoken for, but ladies pining for more can check out his self-pic flickr set. Fun fact, it's pronounced "Lee - Noose."
3.
Firas Abu-Jaber is relatively new on the scene, but he's been ripping up the tarmac with his quickly growing collection of sports cars. Admittedly, the pose here is particularly flattering towards the upper arms, and we hope the hair is a result of chlorinated water, not a tub of hair gel, but doesn't he just rev your engine?
2.
Derek Schin is a world-traveling Renaissance man;
a poet. All that traveling leaves little time for building, but
when he does, it's magnificent. Derek has been known to take shirtless pictures "to document his work out regiment," but they are set to Friends-Only. Out of respect for his privacy, a
tantalizing thumbnail view. Who wouldn't want to go for a ride?
1.
Gary McIntire, the keeper of our hearts, the true magician who has bewitched us all, is the clear choice for hottest builder. Humble, skilled, handsome, Gary walks gracefully upon rose petals. If LEGO had rock stars, he'd be on the cover of every issue of Rolling Stone. Mere words cannot express his beauty, and so we leave you with more choice pics.
I hate pride parades. They're big gay minstrel shows, only serving to reinforce the worst stereotypes of gay people among the greater public. And given that the civil rights of us gays are put up to popular vote in the US, it just seems like bad strategy as well.
